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an introduction to american football
Apr. 26th, 2020 04:01 pmi'm european, but i have consumed enough american media to gain a complete and accurate understanding of the game of american football. i don't intend to turn into a sports-themed blog, but i wanted to share my concise description of the game, in case it may be of use to anyone else:
the players
American football is played in teams consisting of probably somewhere between 5 and 13 players. the American word for player is "quarterback". the team has a captain called the star quarterback. the star quarterback is chosen by virtue of being the most handsome and tallest boy in the school (even though every quarterback in the team is exactly 6 feet (1.83 m) tall). it's easy to make the mistake that the star quarterback is chosen because he's the most popular boy in the school, but in fact his popularity stems from his star quarterback status. (however, it is true that you must have a certain level of popularity to be allowed onto the American football team. the required level of popularity is not precisely known, but may be 6 feet (1.83 m).)
the big game
the game is played on a field surrounded by stands called "bleachers". these stands are a popular meeting-place; especially at times of the big game. at the beginning of the big game, all the quarterbacks of two opposing teams crouch in a line on their respective halves of the field. when the signal is given to begin the game, all quarterbacks charge either the other team's quarterbacks or the ball (which is not shaped like a ball) and fight over it. the preferred combat technique is tackling. once one of the star quarterbacks gets hold of the ball, he uses it to score a point. (note: how?) it is important to note that, despite the name "American football" (confusingly referred to as just "football" in America), the quarterbacks are not supposed to kick the ball.
social status
however, American football is very rarely actually played. most of the time, the players content themselves with enjoying the popularity that their status as quarterbacks conveys them. therefore, the position of star quarterback is primarily a political one. (one of the star quarterback's ceremonial functions is going to prom with the prom queen.) both the quarterbacks and the school that their team belongs to gain additional status if said team participates in the state-wide competition. this is referred to as "going to state". any player or (by metonymy) the school itself can be said to be "going to state", but it is more often applied to just the star quarterback or the team as a whole.
reviews
others have found this summary useful too! here are some of their reactions:
"AMAZING"
"your explanation of the star quarterback is very illuminating and i know nothing to contradict it"
"your explanation is hilarious"
"two inches shy of correct and it read like a nature documentary from a parallel universe"
"my favorite piece of sports analysis ever"
"all correct! you understand football perfectly"
the players
American football is played in teams consisting of probably somewhere between 5 and 13 players. the American word for player is "quarterback". the team has a captain called the star quarterback. the star quarterback is chosen by virtue of being the most handsome and tallest boy in the school (even though every quarterback in the team is exactly 6 feet (1.83 m) tall). it's easy to make the mistake that the star quarterback is chosen because he's the most popular boy in the school, but in fact his popularity stems from his star quarterback status. (however, it is true that you must have a certain level of popularity to be allowed onto the American football team. the required level of popularity is not precisely known, but may be 6 feet (1.83 m).)
the big game
the game is played on a field surrounded by stands called "bleachers". these stands are a popular meeting-place; especially at times of the big game. at the beginning of the big game, all the quarterbacks of two opposing teams crouch in a line on their respective halves of the field. when the signal is given to begin the game, all quarterbacks charge either the other team's quarterbacks or the ball (which is not shaped like a ball) and fight over it. the preferred combat technique is tackling. once one of the star quarterbacks gets hold of the ball, he uses it to score a point. (note: how?) it is important to note that, despite the name "American football" (confusingly referred to as just "football" in America), the quarterbacks are not supposed to kick the ball.
social status
however, American football is very rarely actually played. most of the time, the players content themselves with enjoying the popularity that their status as quarterbacks conveys them. therefore, the position of star quarterback is primarily a political one. (one of the star quarterback's ceremonial functions is going to prom with the prom queen.) both the quarterbacks and the school that their team belongs to gain additional status if said team participates in the state-wide competition. this is referred to as "going to state". any player or (by metonymy) the school itself can be said to be "going to state", but it is more often applied to just the star quarterback or the team as a whole.
reviews
others have found this summary useful too! here are some of their reactions:
"AMAZING"
"your explanation of the star quarterback is very illuminating and i know nothing to contradict it"
"your explanation is hilarious"
"two inches shy of correct and it read like a nature documentary from a parallel universe"
"my favorite piece of sports analysis ever"
"all correct! you understand football perfectly"
