[sticky entry] Sticky: website

Mar. 19th, 2026 04:55 pm
I'm working on a website! It's very much a work in progress, but it can be visited here:

https://itrytobe.neocities.org/

voor M.M.

Je hebt al maandenlang genoeg te doen,
Legt stenen, tegels, keukenkasten aan,
Verft muren geel, oranje, roze, groen.
Hoe lang blijf je hier nog mee verder gaan?
En telkens vang je van tevoren aan.

Heb je tussen projecten even rust,
Bedenk: een huis is meer dan een gebouw,
Zelfs meer dan wat je er aan hebt geklust:
Een dak en muren hoeden slechts voor kou;
Dat het een thuis is, komt door jou.
J'ai regardé deux fois l'entretien qu'a mené le journaliste Caolan Robertson avec le Majeur Robert Brovdi, le commandant des Forces de systèmes sans pilote de l'Ukraine. C'était plus interessant que je ne m'y attendais. Brovdi est un personnage charismatique, voire romanesque, je crois que je l'apprécierais beaucoup dans un livre. En réalité, je suis moins certan. Il n'est pas un personnage de roman, justement, il est une personne réelle dont j'admire le travail mais que je ne connais pas.

J'approche les personnalités politiques et militaires ukrainiennes avec, peut-être, un excès de caution. Les héros existent, je n'en doute pas (їм слава), mais la défense de l'Ukraine dépend de chaque individu dans les Forces armées et de la société que les soutiennent dans son intégralité. Je ne tiens pas à effacer leurs contributions, ni glorifier quiconque sans réflexion.

Quand bien même. L'entretien est un document fascinant qui possède sa part de valeur artistique.

Committed

Jul. 4th, 2026 04:22 pm
epithalamion for S. & E.

They say a wedding is a binding
You have a bond, you're not bound
Free to go on together
Goes without saying

Unbounded, 8000 km couldn't stretch the bond
Could not pull you apart
8000 km pulled you into the same house
And back into a shared home

No promises but agreements
It's a commitment
Not to the future but to each other
"You, together" includes the future
Goes without saying

some of the notebooks i keep (updated):

diary
i keep a diary in A5 notebooks with lined pages. i'm on my twenty-seventh diary right now.

poëziealbum
notebook in which i ask friends to write down a poem (of their own or from another author), like a vriendenboekje. most people share a poem by someone else, but own works are highly appreciated.

private anthology
a notebook into which i copy poems (by other people) that i particularly like.

address book
what the name says.

recipe book
the recipes most worth remembering (or sharing). it already has the requisite dill stains.

poetry notebook
poems that i have written. i have them all in one place a google drive, but it feels good to have them stored in a place that isn't someone else's computer.

bullet journal
i write lists in it that will be relevant for a longer time. some of these i would have previously written in my A4 notebook.

squared notebook, A4
for all kinds of lists (TBRs, to do lists, ingredients, ideas...); doodles and sketches; poem drafts; other random notes. i used to fill up one of these per year, but nowadays i seem to write less in the A4 notebook, plus some of the functions have moved to other notebooks.

squared notebook, A5
i can't fit an A4 in my current backpack, so i have an A5 now for notes i write while on the move.

sticker book
a ringbound book with sticker paper, in which i can store stickers. 

i don't usually have access to Finnish books, so i made sure to buy lots of them on my holiday!

Yön väliverho - Anne Hänninen
poetry

Niin kauan kuin on elämää - Jevhenija Kuznjetsova
the author had a talk and signing event while we were in Helsinki, but we were busy enough sightseeing, we didn't have time to go to the event.

Minun naiseni - Julija Iljuha

Turkoosi vyöhyke - Susinukke Kosola
poetry

Perhonen ja jaguaari - Aliette de Bodard
a few Xuya short stories, none of the titles sound familiar to me. exciting!

Merenkirkas, nummenhämärä - Katriina Heikkilä
political fantasy with a focus on power and ethics?

Kultainen peura - Miina Supinen
historical fiction set in Eastern Karelia. i bought it based on the recommendation card. when i paid, a green-haired bookseller complicated me on a good choice. they turned out to be the one who wrote the recommendation.

Kielet ennen meitä - Topias Haikala
an overview of the development of the languages spoken in modern Finland (that is, Finnic languages, Sámi languages and Swedish), starting from Proto-Uralic and Proto-Indo-European. this was a great find: it's a topic that i find really interesting and wouldn't find books about where i live.

Ylva - Marko Annala
we visited an exhibition featuring the painter Petri Ala-Maunus. he made a painting inspired by this novel, which is now the cover illustration. the book sounded interesting enough, and when looking at it in the museum gift shop, i learned that the author Marko Annala is the front man of the metal band Mokoma, which i sometimes listen to.

Kanteletar ja opas sen lukemiseen - Elias Lönrott, Niina Hämäläinen
i was aware of the Kalevala, obviously, but i hadn't heard of Kanteletar before: a collection of songs from the same sources.

Muumilaakson marraskuu - Tove Jansson
i found a cheap paperback in the Moomin Museum gift shop. i've read it before, it's my favourite of the Moomin books. i wanted a copy for my own library.

Luiden hiljaisuus - Alastair Reynolds
part 3 of the Revenger series. my uncle found two copies when organising his bookshelves so he gave me one of them.

Notes from the Burning Age - Claire North
i bought this from Science Fiction Bokhandeln in Stockholm on the way home. i was allowed to buy only one (1) book there because my suitcase was completely full by that point.

a genuine diary extract:

A bit after 17:00, we could finally board our night train, SJ EuroNight 345, Stockholm-Berlin. We have berths 75 and 76 in carriage 21. There are crying babies in our carriage. Our first travel companion in our compartment is someone from the UK who's living in Stockholm for work. They're heading to Berlin for an ultimate frisbee tournament. Our second супутник joined us in Norrköping. They turned out to have lived in [Student City] for a while, a few years back.

S— took the top bunks and got ready for bed between 21:00 and 22:00. The final two passengers to our six-berth compartment boarded in Malmö, but I was asleep by then. I would not call this a comfortable way to travel, but I delight in the romance of pretending it's the 19th century.

( Next morning: )



a genuine diary extract:

Me lähdettiin kolmeksi mummin luo kahville. Siellä olivat myös M—-eno sekä E—-serkku T—-poikaystävineen. E— on panssariprikaatin tiedustelujoukoissa MTLB-komentajana. Kyselin että ovatko asentaneet panssarivaunuihin drooninhäirintälaitteita. Ollaan kuulemma asennettu kun komentaja on sitä mieltä että on oltava drooninhäirintälaitteet (kuulostaa järkevältä), mutta niitä laitteita ei edes kytketty päälle (mitä hyötyä niistä sitten on...). Se armeijasta.

a genuine diary extract:

We happened across vegan restaurant Gopal. It has the usual buffet, but it's not the usual kind of all-you-can-eat: you fill a tray and then weigh it, and pay by weight. It's like €2.55 per 100 g, we got lunch for the both of us for something silly like €18.70. The food was great, and the crowd there was just the kind where we feel at home: queer and alternative. It was warm enough to sit outside.

After a pear ice cream at Tammelantori, it was finally time for the Moomin Museum. It revolved around the books and their illustrations. There were lots of original artworks and sketches [by Jansson], and dioramas constructed by Tuulikki Pietilä. I would have liked to learn a bit more about the, well, everything else: the comics, the merchandise, the impact on Jansson's further life and career, on Pietilä's life and career... But still, it was very much worth seeing. I bought a cheap pocket edition of Muumilaakson marraskuu from the gift shop. It's my favourite of the Moomin books and I'd like to have a copy in my own book collection.

We would've liked to see Pyynikki too, but it was a bit too far away. We just walked to Tammerkoski park and then to a restaurant for dinner. After that we had almost an hour to kill before our train, so we sat in the sun in the park again. S— fell in love with Tampere, she says she could live there.

a genuine diary extract:

Then we walked over to mummi for lunch. She told us more about mom's childhood and her own life. She was one of the few people in her family (after her older sister) to go to high school. They had to go to Oulu for that, which is 70 km away from the P— family farm near U—. She told us about ukki's family too. They are originally from Eastern Karelia, but they weren't war refugees: they moved to Lapland for work in the 1930s. That makes the timeline make sense, because I've heard stories about my grandfather L—'s brother E— befriending German soldiers in Lapland. (Though mummi did also mention there were Karelians who were evacuated during the Winter War, returned home in the välirauha, and then evacuated again during/after the Continuation War.) Mummi has worked in the Jyväskylä University library (she studied library science in Jyväskylä), but she was at the P— public library for most of her career.
a genuine diary entry:

We went to Jyväskylä to my aunt K—. We made it to the bus without problems, despite mummi's anxieties. The views from the bus were very nice, and I couldn't decide whether to read, look out the window, or nap. I had time to do all three during the two-hour ride.

We arrived in Jyväskylä at 14:05. We went into the bookshop first to buy some postcards, then we had a cup of tea at Café Miriam's, a nice local café/bakery. Aunt K— met us after her workday, at 15:30 (she works as an English teacher). She gave us a tour of the arts and humanities campus of the University of Jyväskylä, where her and mom studied English together. Siiri the dog came with us, she was very excited to meet us! K— drove us around Jyväskylä for a while and showed us the JYU's sciences campus, mom's old student house, and various neighbourhoods.

K— showed us around in her house, and we had dinner with uncle J—. K— hasn't seen me in 11 years and she's never met S— before, but she trusts us with her entire dog: we were allowed to take Siiri out for a walk unsupervised. Only it started raining and she refused to move.

J— had yoga and K— had zumba class. We went to sauna in the meantime. It felt so good, oh, I've missed it! The view from the kitchen and living room is amazing, you can see —järvi peeking through the forest. There are no landscape pictures on the walls, that would be tasteless in a house with such a view.

a genuine extract from my diary:

Kerta-ajo-HSL-liput ovat voimassa puolitoista tuntia. Keksittiin ajaa ratikalla Kauppatorilta [minne saavuttiin lautalla] Aleksanterinkadulle kun kerran pysty. Että ollaan päästy kulkemaan kelta-vihreän helsinkiläisen raitiovaunun kyydissä! Väärään suuntaan kyllä. Takaisin/oikeaan suuntaan ajettiin mainospeitteisellä ratikalla.

a genuine extract from my diary:

At 23:00 exactly, a shuttle took us straight into the ro-ro ferry. I hadn't at any point thought beyond getting on board – usually I just follow my parents. There was a reception desk on deck 7 though, and the cabin number (8039) was printed on the key card. We helped someone who introduced themself as M— – they were afraid to take the lift because they've been trapped in a lift all alone for three hours one time. We took their suitcases with us in the lift while they took the stairs. We left our own suitcases in our cabin and went to find the Late Night Dinner we'd booked. (We thought it'd be tomorrow night, but we're very happy to have it now.) The buffet was tiny, but the food was excellent.

This ferry, the Finnstar, seems smaller than the Stockholm-Helsinki ferries I remember. The car deck seemed small, and as far as I can tell there's just one central stairwell. Come to think of it, there's no promenade.
iebelig

train je hersenen en word een geit

stop! stop bunny feet!

i zigged when i should've zagged

radio op stand burenroezie

een land dat overal bestaat

we can directly access the goat object

i deconstruct society and sometimes myself

kärsä-käsmäinen
päiväkirjaan kirjattu uni:

Mä näin unta ettö kävelin talon läpi pimeässä, kun näin kissanmuotoisen varjon. Hätkähdin, sillä eihän rakasta Haisulia enää ole, ei se voi olla... Haparoin varjoa, jota epäilin harhaksi, ja löysinkin suureksi hämmästyksekseni oikean kissan. Mutta ei se Haisuli ollutkaan vaan joku muu kissa, harmaa ja raidallinen kyllä mutta sen vatsapuoli oli täysin musta. Iski ikävä rakkaan Haisulin pörröistä ruskeankeltaista mahaa.

Glasvezel

Apr. 23rd, 2026 10:15 pm
voor L.K.

met de snelheid van het licht stuiter ik door de kabels
die de handen in je handen
zacht in hun bedding leggen en toedekken
de lussen en knopen ontwar je
zodat ik ongekronkeld
om de kromming kom
bij mijn dierbaren overzee (onderzee)
en ondergronds:
klaai van Groningen, t zaand van Twente, graniitti van Finland
en jij ertussenin
rain drums on the attic bedroom's roof
i dream of my parents' house shaking from nearby explosions
and interceptor missiles streaking through the sky

it's a minor transposition
my parents are safe (for now)
the missiles rain elsewhere

a buzzing wakes me up
drilling in walls next door
no flying lawnmowers overhead
(i can't associate drones with wedding photography)

all that rattles my window is the wind
only raindrops fall on the roof
the bombs fall so far my neighbours can't hear them
so close i feel the tremors in my sleep
Ik ben voor het eerst straatafval wezen opruimen met een afvalgrijper! Het is zeer bevredigend voor de verzamelinstincten. Ik heb alleen heel erg het gevoel dat ik te kijk sta, en alsof ik iets doe wat niet mag. (Het zou me ook helemaal niets verbazen als je een bekeuring kon krijgen voor het verzamelen van straatafval. Het klinkt als zo'n ding waar je over hoort.)

Ik verbaas me wel ontzettend over de hoeveelheid afval dat overal ligt. Ik wist dat het veel was, maar als je gewoon langsloopt merkt je niet elke peuk of stukje vuurwerkafval dat dezelfde kleur bruin is als de vergaande bladeren. Maar ik deed twee uur over een stukje van nog geen 100 meter aan één kant van de straat, en ik vraag me echt af hoe al dat afval op straat terecht komt. De peuken en het vuurwerkafval snap ik – ik ben het er niet mee eens, maar ik begrijp het verspreidingsmechanisme. Maar alle wegwerpbekertjes en koekjesverpakkingen en snoeppapiertjes, hoe komen die op straat te liggen?
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