translation: Dutch Radch 1
Jun. 12th, 2020 10:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itrytobehaving read Ann Leckie's Imperial Radch trilogy in English, French and German, i finally got around to borrowing the Dutch translations by Mariëtte van Gelder from the library. since i've read each of the books at least seven times, i know them pretty much by heart and was able to pay quite detailed attention to the translation. so, here are some of my thoughts on the first book, Het recht van de Radch. there are spoilers here.
i'll start with some notes on translation choices. the main one is ingelijfde, the word chosen to translate "ancillary". it's a past participle of the verb inlijven, meaning "to take up in a group, conscript; incorporate; annex". it's absolutely brilliant on so many levels. first, ancillaries are very much taken up in a larger collective. second, the link to annexations is nice (even if the word used for planetary annexations is annexatie). third, and best of all, inlijven is a calque of incorporāre with the same stem lijf meaning "body".
next, "aliens" is translated as anderlingen, which is a coining as far as i'm aware. Dutch speakers would usually just say aliens, but maybe that was considered too informal. the other word for aliens is buitenaardse wezens ("extraterrestrial beings"), but since everything in this book happens so far away from Earth that Earth itself is completely irrelevant, a different word had to be used instead. (for the same reason, the French translation uses extérieurs instead of extraterrestres.)
i have the impression that the "justice, propriety, benefit" triad is tricky to translate in general. or at least the last two parts. i have to say that, here, the word fatsoen is an excellent choice, and its connotations seem to me to be closer to what they are in Radchaai than the English word "propriety" is.
now we're getting into something more sensitive. "cues to distinguish gender" is turned into sekseverschillen: where the English original has "cues meant to distinguish gender changed from place to place" (EN p. 3), the translation has "dat sekseverschillen op de ene plek anders zichtbaar waren dan op de andere" (NL p. 9). the original mentions gender, but the translation talks about "how sex is visible". i don't need to say that these are not at all the same thing, and despite Ann Leckie's great mistake in this very chapter (which has spawned what is known as "Seivarden genderwank"), it is clear elsewhere in the book that she really is talking about gender and not sex (in case it wasn't obvious enough here), and there, too, Mariëtte van Gelder uses sekseverschillen.
one more translation choice that makes me raise an eyebrow: in chapter 16, when Anaander Mianaai summons Awn to Var deck and treats her with undeserved contempt, it struck me as funny that the Lord of the Radch would say u (a V form) to Awn. i had a think about it and felt that the choice is not really justified: asymmetric T/V usage is very uncommon in Dutch (at least in the Netherlands, i'm not sure about Flanders since second person pronouns seem to be used a bit differently there), it is true, and i imagine that (say) the Dutch king would address citizens with u. but there's a difference between a figurehead of state in a constitutional monarchy and the absolute ruler of a decidedly personality cult-y empire disrespecting someone. consider also that citizens have to prostrate themselves on the floor before the Lord of the Radch! it just seemed out of character to me.
then there are quite a few mistakes. i can't call them anything else. there's stupid inattentive mistakes, like turning "250 grams" into honderdvijftig gram ("one hundred fifty grams", this kind of thing would be heavily penalised in the translation classes i took). there's things that are unclear, we'll use an example from chapter 4: "The aptitudes were the only way into a military, or any government post—though that didn't encompass all assignments available" (EN p. 57), meaning that you can be assigned to more posts than just military or government posts. the translation, "De beproevingen waren de enige manier om bij de krijgsmacht te komen of een andere overheidsfunctie te krijgen – al waren er meer benoemingen" (NL p. 64) gives the impression that more people get into military/government functions than through the assignments. not only does the second half of the sentence seem to directly contradict the first half, it also gives the impression that benoemingen are a separate thing from being assigned through the aptitudes. i don't want to be too harsh on the translator here since the translation can also technically be interpreted correctly, but surely an editor would have noticed the seeming contradiction and asked for clarification? the only reason i managed to parse it correctly (after a few attempts) is because i know the original so well.
speaking of contradictions, the original mentions that "Officers and troops used externally worn armor units, instead of the sort that was installed in one's body. Like mine. But a thousand years ago everyone's had been implanted" (EN p. 163). the translation states that "Officieren en menselijke soldaten gebruikten vroeger extern gedragen wapenrustingen in plaats van de soort die wordt geïmplanteerd, zoals bij mij. Duizend jaar geleden had iedereen echter een implantaat gekregen" (NL p. 173). i underlined the word vroeger because it is plain wrong. the comment about externally worn armour units is very much about the contemporary situation, and not "once" or "in the past". the addition of the word vroeger creates another direct contradiction with the previous sentence.
the same page describes the box that the Presger gun is stored in as a "platte houten kist" (NL p. 173). now, last time i checked, wood doesn't have physics-defying light-absorbing qualities, and does show up on cameras. wood is not mentioned anywhere on the page, so i really wonder where that comes from.
at times i even wondered if the translator entirely understood what was being said in the original text. like "'She can have tea in ten minutes,' said the medic, to whom I didn't know" (EN p. 367). this means that the medic says something, and Breq doesn't know whom she says it to. in Dutch, this is turned into "'Ze mag over tien minuten thee hebben,' zei de arts, die ik niet kende" (NL p. 380), meaning that the medic, whom Breq doesn't know, says something.
there's other weird choices, like Jen Shinnan describing the Orsians as having once been een fantastisch volk (NL p. 60), which sounds like a trumpianism to me – a "great people" is not fantastisch ("fantastic") but machtig ("mighty, powerful") or groots (well... "great, mighty") or even groot ("great, big"). or using the word zich vermannen (NL p. 317, "man up") about a Radchaai, which just doesn't seem right.
anyway. i could go on for a long time, i made many more notes that i haven't even used. it's safe to say that i'm not too impressed with the quality of this translation. nevertheless, i really enjoyed my tenth read of Ancillary Justice and i'm looking forward to Het zwaard van de Radch, which will be my eighth read of Ancillary Sword.
i'll start with some notes on translation choices. the main one is ingelijfde, the word chosen to translate "ancillary". it's a past participle of the verb inlijven, meaning "to take up in a group, conscript; incorporate; annex". it's absolutely brilliant on so many levels. first, ancillaries are very much taken up in a larger collective. second, the link to annexations is nice (even if the word used for planetary annexations is annexatie). third, and best of all, inlijven is a calque of incorporāre with the same stem lijf meaning "body".
next, "aliens" is translated as anderlingen, which is a coining as far as i'm aware. Dutch speakers would usually just say aliens, but maybe that was considered too informal. the other word for aliens is buitenaardse wezens ("extraterrestrial beings"), but since everything in this book happens so far away from Earth that Earth itself is completely irrelevant, a different word had to be used instead. (for the same reason, the French translation uses extérieurs instead of extraterrestres.)
i have the impression that the "justice, propriety, benefit" triad is tricky to translate in general. or at least the last two parts. i have to say that, here, the word fatsoen is an excellent choice, and its connotations seem to me to be closer to what they are in Radchaai than the English word "propriety" is.
now we're getting into something more sensitive. "cues to distinguish gender" is turned into sekseverschillen: where the English original has "cues meant to distinguish gender changed from place to place" (EN p. 3), the translation has "dat sekseverschillen op de ene plek anders zichtbaar waren dan op de andere" (NL p. 9). the original mentions gender, but the translation talks about "how sex is visible". i don't need to say that these are not at all the same thing, and despite Ann Leckie's great mistake in this very chapter (which has spawned what is known as "Seivarden genderwank"), it is clear elsewhere in the book that she really is talking about gender and not sex (in case it wasn't obvious enough here), and there, too, Mariëtte van Gelder uses sekseverschillen.
one more translation choice that makes me raise an eyebrow: in chapter 16, when Anaander Mianaai summons Awn to Var deck and treats her with undeserved contempt, it struck me as funny that the Lord of the Radch would say u (a V form) to Awn. i had a think about it and felt that the choice is not really justified: asymmetric T/V usage is very uncommon in Dutch (at least in the Netherlands, i'm not sure about Flanders since second person pronouns seem to be used a bit differently there), it is true, and i imagine that (say) the Dutch king would address citizens with u. but there's a difference between a figurehead of state in a constitutional monarchy and the absolute ruler of a decidedly personality cult-y empire disrespecting someone. consider also that citizens have to prostrate themselves on the floor before the Lord of the Radch! it just seemed out of character to me.
then there are quite a few mistakes. i can't call them anything else. there's stupid inattentive mistakes, like turning "250 grams" into honderdvijftig gram ("one hundred fifty grams", this kind of thing would be heavily penalised in the translation classes i took). there's things that are unclear, we'll use an example from chapter 4: "The aptitudes were the only way into a military, or any government post—though that didn't encompass all assignments available" (EN p. 57), meaning that you can be assigned to more posts than just military or government posts. the translation, "De beproevingen waren de enige manier om bij de krijgsmacht te komen of een andere overheidsfunctie te krijgen – al waren er meer benoemingen" (NL p. 64) gives the impression that more people get into military/government functions than through the assignments. not only does the second half of the sentence seem to directly contradict the first half, it also gives the impression that benoemingen are a separate thing from being assigned through the aptitudes. i don't want to be too harsh on the translator here since the translation can also technically be interpreted correctly, but surely an editor would have noticed the seeming contradiction and asked for clarification? the only reason i managed to parse it correctly (after a few attempts) is because i know the original so well.
speaking of contradictions, the original mentions that "Officers and troops used externally worn armor units, instead of the sort that was installed in one's body. Like mine. But a thousand years ago everyone's had been implanted" (EN p. 163). the translation states that "Officieren en menselijke soldaten gebruikten vroeger extern gedragen wapenrustingen in plaats van de soort die wordt geïmplanteerd, zoals bij mij. Duizend jaar geleden had iedereen echter een implantaat gekregen" (NL p. 173). i underlined the word vroeger because it is plain wrong. the comment about externally worn armour units is very much about the contemporary situation, and not "once" or "in the past". the addition of the word vroeger creates another direct contradiction with the previous sentence.
the same page describes the box that the Presger gun is stored in as a "platte houten kist" (NL p. 173). now, last time i checked, wood doesn't have physics-defying light-absorbing qualities, and does show up on cameras. wood is not mentioned anywhere on the page, so i really wonder where that comes from.
at times i even wondered if the translator entirely understood what was being said in the original text. like "'She can have tea in ten minutes,' said the medic, to whom I didn't know" (EN p. 367). this means that the medic says something, and Breq doesn't know whom she says it to. in Dutch, this is turned into "'Ze mag over tien minuten thee hebben,' zei de arts, die ik niet kende" (NL p. 380), meaning that the medic, whom Breq doesn't know, says something.
there's other weird choices, like Jen Shinnan describing the Orsians as having once been een fantastisch volk (NL p. 60), which sounds like a trumpianism to me – a "great people" is not fantastisch ("fantastic") but machtig ("mighty, powerful") or groots (well... "great, mighty") or even groot ("great, big"). or using the word zich vermannen (NL p. 317, "man up") about a Radchaai, which just doesn't seem right.
anyway. i could go on for a long time, i made many more notes that i haven't even used. it's safe to say that i'm not too impressed with the quality of this translation. nevertheless, i really enjoyed my tenth read of Ancillary Justice and i'm looking forward to Het zwaard van de Radch, which will be my eighth read of Ancillary Sword.
